Drain the Blood
by trickrtreatn
Summary: Zim is bitten by a vampire. Can Dib and Gir stop him and his undead master from from turning the world into an army of blood sucking zombies?
1. Scary Movies and Search Engines

NOTE: Okay, this is my first story. Personally, I think it sucks. I'm not a great writer, but I'm trying to get better. Please read and review. If you hate it, just give me advice on how to improve it, I don't want to hear "IT SUCKS! NEVER WRITE AGAIN!" Alright, I'm done. I started writing this...thing a little after Halloween.

Disclaimer: i own nothing. These are Jhonen's characters, blah blah blah. You know the story.

It was a dark, spooky night. Everyone's favorite little robot, Gir, was sitting on the couch in the living room watching a scary movie on the TV. He shivered and whimpered as an actor guy dressed as Dracula chased another actor guy around a castle place.

"DON'T GO IN THERE! DON'T GO IN THERE! HE'LL EAT YOUR NECK!" Gir screamed at the TV. He was twitching wildly.

"WHAT! WHO'S AFTER MY NECK?" screamed Zim, who was about to enter his lab through the toilet entrance. He thought Gir had been talking to him.

"WAHHH! NO! HE'S IN THERE! GO IN-NO DON'T GO IN-WAIT-NO-YEAH GO-UHHH...WAHH!" Gir screamed, throwing the popcorn he had been eating to the side.

Zim walked into the living room to see why Gir was screaming, only to be hit by Gir's popcorn. "GIR! What are you shouting about?"

At that moment, a commercial for laundry detergent appeared on the screen. Gir, not being too terrified of laundry, turned away from the TV and stared at Zim. "...The vampire..." Gir whispered in a high, creepy, muffled voice.

"Huh?" Zim asked, not having heard Gir, due to his creepy, yet inaudible tone.

"The vampire." Gir stated, more clearly this time.

"Oh, okay," Zim replied. "What are these VAMPIRES!"

"Ssshhhhh..." Gir put a finger to his metal mouth. He stood up on the couch, casting shadows on the wall behind him. Gir cleared his throat, and began to dramatically tell Zim about vampires. "VAMPIRES is real scary. They is monsters that bites your neck and suck stuff outta you! HICKEY! They're DEAD but not really. They're ANTI-DEAD, or YEAH! They turns into bats and fly all over garlic fields, and they make friends with all the mirrors. They're teeth are sharper than a beaver!" Gir finished. It was obvious that he hadn't really been paying much attention to the movie.

Zim shook his head indifferently, not having understood a word of Gir's story. "Gir, I'll be in the lab. Don't let anyone in the house. And clean up the popcorn." By now, the movie had come back on, and Gir was staring at the screen again. Zim entered the kitchen and flushed himself down the toilet, into his lab.

"Now to work on my next GLORIOUSLY BRILLIANT PLAN OF DESTRUCTION, DOOM, AND TERROR!" Zim shouted to himself, jumping onto a chair in front of Computer. Zim sat in his chair, trying to think up a gloriously brilliant plan of destruction, doom, and terror.

Zim sat in his chair, thinking for a few minutes. He was coming up blank. He couldn't think of any new plans. He was actually rather curious about vampires. He wondered what they really were. He was correctly assuming that almost none of gir's information was correct.

"COMPUTER! BRING UP THE EARTH INFORMATION RETRIEVING CENTER!" the Google homepage appeared on the Computer's giant screen. Zim typed in "vampires" and began to read the information that the search engine retrieved.

"GIR!" Zim shouted. He was now back upstairs, having read plenty of information on vampires. Gir was still sitting on the couch, only now he was watching the Scary Monkey Show. "Gir, we have to find the VAMPIRES!"

"What?" Gir asked, not turning away from the TV. "What's vampires?"

Zim sighed. "The neck things, remember? An hour ago, you were screaming about them. Remember?" Gir shrugged, still not moving his gaze from the TV. "Well, anyway, I gathered information on them."

Zim stood up on the TV. He cast spooky shadows on the walls, much like Gir had when he had told his story. "VAMPIRES bite on people's necks and suck out their blood. When they suck out a human's BLOOD, they turn into a VAMPIRE, and they suck out other people's blood and they turn into VAMPIRES and they suck out other people's blood and they turn into VAMPIRES," Zim stopped talking for a second, realizing that he was starting to ramble. "Anyway, these VAMPIRES could help us destroy the sewage human beasts."

Gir made a little squeaking sound and continued to stare at the screen.

"Yes, Gir, you heard me right." Zim continued, thinking that Gir actually had some interest in what he was saying. "We are going VAMPIRE HUNTING." (Cue lightning.)

"SShhhhh..." Gir shushed. "Monkey."


	2. The Scary, Creepy Castle

This is a note: Okay, here I go, writing my second chapter. Thanks for the reviews, they were very helpful. I actually was going to make this like "It Feeds on Noodles", but I couldn't figure out how to tie in the Chinese food and all. Maybe I'll do another one like that, since this is more of a practice fic. Keep reading and reviewing and send me candy. Now on with my tale of hope, joy, and product placement. Oh, and my "l" key is being weird, so beware of typos.

I am the creator of Invader Zim. These are all my characters, everything is mine. I want you all to do my bidding, because I am the greatest liar that ever lived.

A few earth-hours later, Zim and Gir were all set up for vampire hunting. Zim had a giant grocery bag that contained a bottle of Aquafina (it was suppossed to be holy water), a large piece of steak, an onion (it looked like garlic to him), a compact mirror, and a flashlight. He also had covered his neck in bubble wrap, so that the vampire wouldn't bite him. Boy did he look cool. Gir had filled his head up with plenty of pasta and chocolate icing.

"ALRIGHT GIR! We are ready! That vampire doesn't stand a chance against our superior weapons!" Zim shouted, shaking his fist in the air. "We look so cool! We're off!"

"Where we goin'?" Gir asked, licking some chocolate icing off his robotic hand.

"TO SPOOKY CASTLE!" Zim screamed, taking out a piece of paper.

"Where is it?" Gir asked, chocolate icing falling out of his mouth.

"HERE!" Zim pointed at a dot on the piece of paper, which looked like a map, courtesy of Mapquest.

The two rocketed out of the front door, all set to capture the undead monster. They then realized that they couldn't walk the entire way, so they headed back into the house towards the Voot Cruiser.

* * *

"WE'RE HERE!" Zim screamed as he landed the Voot outside an ancient, run-down castle. "HERE WE ARE! YES! HERE!"

He hopped on out of the ship, dragging Gir out with him. The two stared at the eerie, creepy, scary, terrifying, creepy castle for a few Earth-seconds.

"Yes, that is creepy. And scary." Zim stated matter-of-factly. "Alright we're going to go inside, catch the vampire, which shouldn't be too difficult, and go home. Maybe we'll pick up some some fries on the way back."

"YAY! FRENCH FRIES!" Gir screamed, feeling very cultured.

"Yes, yes, we love our fries. Now, we have to move stealthily, so we catch our vampire by SURPRISE! Now LET'S GO!" The two ran screaming into the castle, making a huge racket.

A short, shadowy figure had been watching them from a high tower window ever since they landed on the castle grounds. Zim and Gir had already lost the element of surprise. The figure glared down at the two as they entered its home, then headed down the tower stairs to "greet" the visitors.


	3. The Little Vampire

If you don't read this you will die in 7 days: Hey, I'm back. Gaspa, gaspa. Okay here comes the third chapter. Thanks for the reviews; I would surely catch fire without them, or something. Well, anyway I have big news. I MADE SOMETHING! I created a character for this chapter. My own character, mine, me, happy. I know everyone hates original characters, so it's my pleasure to make everyone sad. I actually think I did an okay job on Trit, but that's just what I think. I sort of tried to make this chapter like Scooby Doo, just because. Alright. Onward. The story starts...NOW!

Zim and Gir entered the stone castle through the huge, wooden front doors. The interior of the castle was dark, damp, n' dirty. Pretty vampire-y.

"Okay gang, I mean GIR, I say we split up, since this castle is so big and all." Zim said, looking around. There were hallways everywhere, filled with creepy paintings, and scary knight armour, and terrifying bacteria. "You go through that left one, and I'll go through this right one." Gir was writing his name on the dusty floor with his finger. "We'll split up the weapons, so we'll both be well-armed." Zim handed Gir the water and onion, keeping the mirror and steak for himself. "Okay, if you see the vampire, scream or something, and I'll help you catch it. I'll scream or something if I see it...good luck...see ya later." Zim started to walk down the right hallway. He noticed Gir wasn't going down his hallway. Zim picked up Gir and threw him into the left hallway, just to help him get started. "Good luck GIR!" Zim ran down the right hallway.

Gir picked himself up and looked around. Threatening faces glared at him from old portraits on the wall. Enormous armor towered over him, holding swords and axes. Rats skittered across the creaky, cold, damp, rotting floor. Out of the few small windows of the corridor, he could see the stormy, ominous sky, pouring black rain over the building. Gir giggled and nibbled on a few of the pasta noodles he had been storing in his metal head. He started to skip along the hallway, carrying the water and the onion with him. As he skipped, he saw that some of the eyes of the paintings were following him. He giggled and waved at them.

"HOWDY!" He screamed, wildly waving his mechanical arm, splattering pasta sauce all over the musty walls. The eyes soon just kept still, realizing Gir was too stupid to be frightened by them. Gir continued his jolly skipping. He even started to hum. One of the knights started to come to life. It followed Gir down the hallway, slowly raising the large metal axe it held. Just as the knight was about to drop the axe over Gir's head, the little robot spun around and stared at the knight. The knight froze, but it was too late. Gir had already seen the knight moving.

"YAY!" Gir screamed, starting to do a little jig. "DANCE WIT ME!" He started to dance around the tall, scary knight. "NAH NAH NAH! I'M DANCIN'!"

The knight tried to hit Gir with his axe, but he was spinning too fast. "Dancin', dancin', like an ant farm, I'm DANCIN'!" The knight was starting to wobble from dizziness. Gir spun and spun, the knight swung and swung. Gir got the chocolate icing out of his head and started flinging it everywhere. "Dancin' wit my friend-kin, I'm DANCIN'!" Finally, the knight slipped on some of the icing and fell to the floor.

"G'NIGHT!" Gir shrieked. He gave the knight an odd salute type of thing, and skipped farther into the hallway.

* * *

Meanwhile, Zim was conquering the right hallway. He had his mirror and his steak ready. His eyes shot all over the hallway, searching for any sign of activity. His body twitched with anticipation. Zim was a little over-excited.

"Once I have control of this monster, the humans will have no choice but to bow down to me. I shall rule them all, on a big shiny thrown, and they will serve me brownies and nachos. And the Tallest will be like 'Oh look at Zim. He took over the Earth. He is great.' And I'll be like 'Yah, I know, I hear it all the time.' And then other people will all be like 'Let's buy stuff for Zim, cuz he is great' and I'll..." Zim rambled on, searching the hallway closely. Suddenly, ashort, shadowy figure appeared down the hall.

"I SEE YOU!" Zim shrieked. "I FOUND YOU! YOU CAN'T ESCAPE FROM ZIM! I AM ZIM!" Zim jumped in front of the figure, getting a much better image of what it looked like.

The figure was a little girl. She was tiny, even smaller than Zim. She was also very skinny and pale, and with a gaung, sunken face. Her large, green eyes glared at Zim. Long brown pigtails dangled at her shoulders. She wore a tattered white dress that looked at least a century old. She started to laugh, but never took her eyes of Zim.

"Oh..." Zim relaxed. "You're just a little butt-child. I thought you were a VAMPIRE." The little girl continued to stare at him. "Uh...go away. I'm on a mission."

"Hello Zim." the little angry girl snarled. She had a very high-pitched, creepy, even annoying voice. "My name is Trit."

"I don't care who you are, you don't matter you piece of rotting flesh." Zim snarled, getting annoyed with this child called Trit. "Wait...HOW DID YOU KNOW MY NAME?" Zim screamed in terror.

"You just shouted it." Trit said, looking a little confused. "You said you were Zim."

"Oh," Zim looked a little embarrassed. "Well, yeah. That's because I AM Zim. Zim is me. Now go AWAY!"

"I can't do that." Trit said, shaking her head. "You're an intruder. I HATE intruders." She then opened her mouth wide, revealing two large, sharp fangs.

"YOU'RE A VAMPIRE!" Zim screamed. "VAMPIRE!"

"Yes I am," Trit said with satisfaction. "And I'm-"

"VAMPIRE!"

"Yes, and I'm-"

"VAMPIRE!"

"I'm-" Trit is extremely annoyed by now.

"VAMPIRE!"

"SHUT UP!" Trit screamed. "I am a vampire, and as punishment for trespassing, I'm going to insert my teeth into your skin and suck your veins dry of all blood."


	4. Vampyric Head Bitey

Notation: Feels like I haven't updated in forever. I already got a good start on this chapter, but it all got erased so I have to start all over. Well read and review. TYPO WARNING! My "d" key is acting up. Oh hey, I think I forgot to say that Zim and Gir are both in their earth disguises. This is kind of important and I'm not sure if I mentioned it. Oh well...READ ON!

Disclaimer: Everything but Trit is property of The Jhonen, God of War and Mexican cuisine.

"NO!" Zim shouted. "NO! NEVER! NOT EVER! GAH! NEVER! EVER NEVER! NO!"

"YES!" Trit hissed. She started to lunge at Zim, until she saw the suppossedly "human" boy take out what looked like a slab of raw meat. "What is THAT?" she asked with confusion.

"That's right!" Zim declared, acting very cocky. "A STEAK! A steak through the heart will DESTROY any VAMPIRE!" and at that, using all the strength he had, Zim threw the steak right at Trit's chest, knocking the vampire to the ground. It looked as though Trit had been defeated, until she picked herself up. She was covered in steak-slime, but uninjured.

"You just threw MEAT at me!" Trit screamed disbelievingly. She now smelled like rotten meat. "I'm going to bite your head even harder now! VAMPYRIC HEAD BITEY!" and with that she lunged at Zim, more determined than ever.

Zim screamed and bolted down the hallway, Trit close behind. He had to escape. If he could just get out of this castle...Zim suddenly remembered his other weapon. The mirror was his only hope.

"HAH!" Zim shouted as he held the mirror up to Trit. Her refection didn't appear in the dirty glass. "You don't have a reflection! Because you're a VAMPIRE!"

"I know." Trit said boredly. "I've never had a reflection."

"SEE! The mirror! No refection! HAH!"

"Yeah. No reflection." Trit rolled her eyes. "So?"

"Uhhh..." Zim never imagined that the vampire would be so powerful. Or maybe his weapons just weren't very powerful. Nah, that couldn't be it. She had managed to resist both of his amazing weapons. He was defenseless. "Um uh...GIR!" Zim remembered that Gir was also in the castle. "GIR I FOUND IT! THE VAMPIRE! HELP!"

"No one can save you now...AHHH!" Trit jumped on top of Zim's head and sank her fangs into his skull, going straight through his little black wig. She began to suck out his blood, but immediately seized to do so. She let go of Zim's head and opened her mouth wide. Thick, translucent sap dripped from her fangs.

"UUUGGHHH!" She did her best to spit out all of the unfamiliar fluid. "What was THAT?"

"AAUUGGHH!" Zim span around crazily, holding his head in anguish. "MY HEAD! MY AMAZING HEAD! GAH! Oh, and that's my blood."

Trit scooped up some of the transparent blood from the floor with her finger. She examined it for a few moments. "This isn't blood! It's clear! And it tastes weird. Why isn't your blood delicEEEEous and red?"

Zim ignored Trit's interrogations and continued to spin around the room, still screaming about his head.

Trit's stomach growled. She winced. "Your blood isn;'t poisonous or anything is it?" She sounded worried.

Zim didn't answer. He just continued to do his little pain-jig. He was getting his bodily fluid everywhere. Trit hissed as some of it hit her in the forehead.

"Get out" She snarled. "Leave right now. Be glad you're still alive." She then walked down the hall and up the stairs, back to her tower. Zim stood up immediately.

"WAIT!" He started to run after the thing he had been running from moments ago. "NO! STOP! I have to capture you! You can't tell ZIM when to leave! WAIT!" Zim usually wasn't one who gave up easily, but his head was throbbing, and he was sort of hungry. He let out a little groan and set off to find GIR. This particular mission didn't go nearly as well as he was so sure it would.

"GIR!" His voice echoed through the ancient stone fortress. "GIR! Get over here! We're going home!" Gir didn't answer. "GIR! NOW!"

"I DON'T WANNA!" The little robot screamed to his mater from his hallway. He sounded like a toddler begging to stay at the playground.

"GIR we have to GO!" Zim shouted, already annoyed with Gir's failure to help him with the vampire. "Get in the SHIP!"

"NO!"

"YES!"

"NO! Oh okay," Gir ran back towards the entrance to meet Zim. He noticed something different about his master. "You got a whole in your head..."

"...Yep..." Zim was numb from the pain by now. "Let's go. This was a hideous and horrible failure that I'd just like to forget." And so they departed from the castle, hopped back into the Voot Cruiser, and flew away. They picked up some tacos on the way home, so don't worry, they were well fed. Trit sat in her tower the whole night thinking. She was both perplexed and disgusted by Zim's obviously unearthly blood. She also had a huge headache.

"GIR!" Zim screamed from behind the controls of the Voot. "You're getting taco droppings EVERYWHERE!"

"SORRY!"

END OF CHAPTER


	5. Tingling Fangs

A note written to be read: Hey guess what? I'm not dead. 5th chapter is actually up. It keeps going and going. Okay. This could get a little weird, so I suggest that you hold onto something. Read and review and live happily never after.

Zim and Gir arrived home late that night. Zim made Gir vacuum the interior of the Voot, since there was ground beef EVERYWHERE, and went straight down to his lab to think up a new plan that hopefully wouldn't be such a dismal failure as this adventure had been. He spent most of the night there, plotting and devising while Gir watched TV after finishing the vacuuming. Exciting, eh? Well, at about 4:00 in the morning (in human time) Zim's mouth started to ache.

"My mouth is aching," He said. "Oh well." And he continued with his work.

Zim was able to ignore it for awhile, but the ache increased gradually and became rather painful. This was worrying Zim of course, but he didn't want to admit his concern, so he just continued working, despite his now swelling mouth. But finally, he could ignore it no longer, for the pain was agonizing and his mouth was a metaphorical balloon.

"Oh my insert object of worship here!" Zim screamed, clutching his mouth. "What the kok (Irken swear. Earthling innuendo. Ewww.) is going on?", His pink teeth started to change their shape. They became long and pointy, obviously fangs. Now as you all have been taught, human vampires have two fangs. Yes well, apparently Irken vampires have, well, eight fangs. And they weren't the regular fang-size. Each fang was about as long as Zim's arm. It may seem like Zim won't be able to close his mouth anymore, but he soon discovered that the fangs contracted every time he closed his mouth, which was fortunate enough. Still he was, understandably, freaked out to the point of vomiting out of his eye sockets.

"GUH!" He screamed, trying to call out to the robot upstairs. His teeth made it difficult to talk. "GUH!"

UPSTAIRS!

Gir held the remote out to the television, continuously pressing random buttons.

"What that do?" He shrieked. He pressed the '2' and the '9' button. The screen flashed. A soap opera appeared. "Oh!" Gir squeaked, satisfied with his answer. He pressed '6' and '1'. "What that do?" He thought he heard a scream from the lower floor of the house. He shrugged it off and continued to play his game.

Back at Spooky Castle, a little girl who wasn't quite dead ran down the stairs of the tallest tower, huffing and puffing as she ran.

Trit didn't know how to explain it. Maybe it was instinct. Whatever. Something was happening with Zim. She needed to see what it was.

After the physical transformation, Zim underwent the mental one. All of his current thoughts for domination plans were completely erased. They were replaced with a strange hunger. For flesh.

"What that do?" Gir pressed the "4" and the "5". It was a Spanish soccer game. "!Vaya!"

Zim sensed another presence in the area (He heard Gir scream.). He dashed upstairs easily, now lost of all awareness of any pain.

"Hola Master!" Gir shrieked happily, still playing the button game. Zim didn't reply, not an insult or anything. Gir found this rude. "Hello? Master?" Gir turned away from the TV. He noticed Zim was staring at him funny. He also noticed that his mouth was full of fang.

"Master…" Gir mumbled nervously. "Uh…" Gir tried to think of a way to get Zim's attention. "Mas-AHHH!"

Zim had lunged at Gir, knocking them both to the floor. Gir continued to scream and struggle as Zim opened his huge mouth and sank his fangs into Gir's head.

Or he tried to sink his teeth into Gir's head, only to have them hit the strong metal skull. He kept gnawing at it, trying to break the metal, but to no avail. Zim gave up, let out an inhuman (or inirken) roar, and ran out the door.

Gir sat still on the ground for a few seconds, dazed. He had a huge dent in his head. He then sat up and picked up the remote, forgetting the whole encounter.

"What that do?" He entered the number "666". At that moment, the TV toppled to the ground and shattered. A short figure stood among the rubble. There was a large hole in the wall behind.

"What's wrong with you! Why is your blood clear? Why can't I drink your blood!" Trit blurted out at the first thing she saw, the thing being Gir in this case. She then got a good look at the dented robot. She noticed that it wasn't Zim. "Uh…where'd he go?"

"Who're you?" Gir asked innocently.

"I am Trit the hyperactive midget (TtHM!)." She answered sarcastically. "Now where did Zim go?"

"How'd you get here?"

"I'm a vampire." She snarled back, as if that fact answered Gir's question.

"Oh!" Gir shrieked in response to Trit's answer. "He went out there." He pointed out the door. "He changed." He added.

Trit aggressively grabbed Gir. "How did he change!"

"He got all scary and bitey…" Gir mumbled, struggling to free himself from Trit's clutches. Trit released him, her expression shifting from anger to concern.

"Scary and bitey…" Her eyes went wide. "And he went out…into the world" She was hit with realization. "No!" She jumped back through the hole she had made in the wall.

Gir waved happily at Trit and pointed the remote at the TV. He gasped when he noticed that his precious zombie box had been destroyed. "TV…"


End file.
